Her daily headache rose up as she sat
enraptured in a newly formed, heartless mood. The atmosphere grew opaque as the supply of oxygen thinned. She could hardly take in the air. The light dimmed as she opened her eyes and rubbed her head. She was not going to allow her pain to drive her actions. She leaned over Chaos in order to grab the ibuprofen from the glove-box. She took two pills, swallowed them quickly and popped her neck.
“So,” Chaos said breaking the silence, then slapping his hand to his mouth, amazed she had been right. “Anyway, before we go on this killing rampage, I need to know something about you and I want you to be honest.”
“What is it Chaos, what do you need to know?”
She surveyed the entire area confirming she was in fact at the right location. She could feel her heart beating steadily. In a few short minutes her world would forever change.
“How is it you have managed to be a fairly good person in light of the fact you lack a conscience and feel no guilt?” He asked with all sincerity. He had known few people who did not feel guilt, and all of them were very bad people, they had no conscience to keep them in check. He hoped her answer would ease his own guilty mind.
The question caught her off-guard. “What? Just because I am about to do what I am about to do does not mean I lack a conscience. I am riddled with guilt. Do I need to remind you of my infidelity? Jesus Chaos, I have no idea what the hell you could mean.”
“Notice how she always answers a question with a question.” Chaos said aloud.
“I feel guilt.” She tried to defend herself.
“No you feel sadness mixed with defeat, but you don’t feel guilt, again, how have you done it?”
Erin had lost faith in mankind a long time ago; her childhood had been plagued with sadness and disillusions. She had grown up believing people, not children, were evil or if not evil then too feeble to stop the evilness; which to her was evil causing her mind to circle over and over again, leaving her with only one solution, all adults were evil. She had been isolated most of her life; not meeting her own mother until she was eighteen, by then no amount of love was going to change the simple fact, to her, all were evil or weak. She would justify all she did with this rational, evilness had to be stopped, if adults
were evil then there was nothing she could do to them which could be considered bad.
Yet in the same breath and with a blessed reprieve of a good memory from her past, Erin’s theory of all mankind being plagued with devilish intent began to falter. Her excuses of feeling guilt, just not feeling anything for those around, crashed.
Steve had been different, he, with patience and actions, had restored her faith in humankind. Steve, even thinking of his name made her eye’s turn red. Her mind felt a faint and distant vibration of desperate need to have him with her, he was the strong one. He would be able to do this without all the doubts entering her mind. He would
proceed with stealth, have no delay, and would fix all that had gone wrong in her life. She wished more than anything else she could go back and never go to the club with Sam and Chaos.
She turned back to Chaos; still remaining a bit lost in her thoughts, and realized, all at once, he was stalling her. Why would he stall her? She didn’t need this right now. So she spoke from her heart, giving him the answer he wanted and not the true answer.
I do feel guilt I just choose to ignore it.