This is for all you loving parents out there, both spankers, non-spankers, and the like.
It’s hard being a parent. We go through so much, from dirty diapers to sleepless nights, to the first scraped knee to the first broken heart. We watch our children grow and develop, we give them the tools we think they will need to make it in life. And even then…sometimes…a good parent will have a rotten child…
I know that sometimes I can come off as a pompous, condescending know it all: Point in fact…I don’t know it all…and I am as far from perfect as they come.
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How does this happen?
We could blame programing, which I believe is a big part…But at some point we all need to take a breath…and remember, the more we argue, the less we will get solved.
I think it is time we all took a breather and realize that we are not the only teachers of our children. There are many influences on them: to name but a few: daycare, teachers, school in general, books, movies, news, propaganda, sports, and friends. Oh friends…we know how powerful and sometimes destructive they can be.
So what do we do?
Many parents will end up blaming themselves for their children going in a different direction, and while early in life parents do yield a great amount of influence…never forget this: Children are their own people…and they are capable of individual thought.
So stop blaming yourself. And children, now adults…stop blaming your parents.
I think we need a little bit more of self-determination and a little bit less of blame.
I’m going to give you a real life example.
I watched a YouTube video. I comment that I enjoyed it. End of story…so I thought. Weeks later a comment pops up under my comment where a person calls me a stupid whore, an ugly bitch…and that my name is stupid.
This was a 42 year old man. Do you blame his parents? Do you blame society? Do you blame a so-called chemical imbalance? After looking at his profile, I assure you, he has chosen to be an asshole….So who do I blame…Him and him alone. This is not to say that his words didn’t affect me, actually they made me a little sad, but I will push it away, and move on…knowing sometimes there will be an occasional person who will try to push my buttons, and some that will achieve.
This is easy enough, but when it comes to murder and rape…We as a people naturally want to understand, we want to blame…and really it is not that we are blaming per say, it is that we are desperate to understand.
Yet when we attempt to understand, even by using the scientific method, we find that something is missing.
We can prove that the majority of child molesters were molested…but we can’t say all…and certainly, many people who were sexualized early would never even think to hurt a child the way they were hurt.
This is what I know: We are all unique creatures, we really are. Science is just waking up to the true beauty of what it is to be a human being. A quick example: Microbes inhabit just about every part of the human body, living on the skin, in the gut, the nose, the mouth…and these microorganisms are numbered in the trillions—outnumbering the human cells by 10 to 1. We are each like a Human Microbiome. And these little microorganisms play a very vital role in human health, but it is only in this modern era that science is taking a real look at it. They are just now discovering how and why these little creatures can have such a significant impact and it helps explain why some children cannot have, what I call fake-sugar, and others are just fine.
You see…There is a missing aspect to it all: That is why we must continually educate ourselves and not get caught up in this War of Beliefs…because the more we learn, the more we know that we don’t know. Remember when they thought the Earth was flat? Do you remember when a doctor suggested other doctors wash their hands…he was ridiculed and later landed himself in the looney bin. See this article: https://explorable.com/semmelweis-germ-theory
Okay so what am I saying: Can we have a cease fire? Can we parents stop attacking each other about Vaccinations and spanking? Can we be more intellectual and start trying to both understand and educate? Instead of acting like a witch-hunter and being cruel with words…could we be more constructive?
Example: Blaming a celebrity for parents not vaccinating is very absurd, Yes it is true that when Elvis Presley rolled up his sleeve and got a polio vaccination the masses followed…It is not the same thing. It is much scarier, per our programming, to not get a vaccination vs. getting one. More often than not, whether science or doctors say it is so, and whether or not having a vaccine reaction is just a coincidences, the parent sees it…and should be allowed to question it.
Example: A parent swats a child one time on the butt. My side, which can get just as extreme as the witch-hunters, will blow their tops, shout child abuse and take a child away from their parent. Who does this help, certainly not the child, and what message does that send to the community as a whole?
It is true that children cannot protect themselves, and we do, as adults, have a duty to protect them. We agree that abuse is wrong, but do we spend our time and effort on trying to end it, not really, we spend our time and efforts and arguing with each other over the definition, and of course we would, because some people really feel in their hearts that one spank is abuse, while others think it is 10 spanks, on up to…if you don’t break a bone…it’s not abuse. There are many levels…we are complex creatures. Sure one day we might all see eye to eye on child rearing, but is that going to change everything…No!
Interesting facts: Statistically little girls are picked up faster than little boys when they cry. Statistically, people who have more symmetrical faces are treated nicer. Statistically, girls lose their virginity before boys, even though girls, more than boys, are taught not to have sex.
If you haven’t read anything about The studies of Hamilton and Price, you might want to…To quote: “This new formulation made even clearer a worrying implication that he had already grasped: that the same equations that demands the spread of altruistic behavior may sometimes demand its opposite. He recognized that a fondness for torturing, raping and murdering your neighbors is just as heritable and may be as easily spread as the urge to love them.” http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/altruistic-equations-that-killed-a-good-man-1358399.html
YIKES…RIGHT…Not really…this idea is just a building block…remember the more we know, the more we know we don’t know.
All end right there…asking for a cease fire, and a start for a dialogue among parents. Instead of arguing who is to blame…why don’t we talk about what works…well of course there are many blogs and articles on what works…we need only access them. We can become people who don’t just react…unless it is a life or death situation…and can find lifelong solutions, instead of quick fixes.
I don’t know about you…but I like to believe we are something greater than a simple mathematical equation. That we are something more than can be analyzed by crunching numbers. I like to believe we have the ability to shape and mold our own destiny, despite what “they” program us to be. We are all neighbors on this planet earth. We must unify to have peace, but we must also learn that for true peace we must accept that others must also have peace, to have freedom of mind, we must allow others to have freedom of mind. Even though we think each of us are the enemies…are we really?
Something to think about: blind obedience destroys reason, purpose, and self-esteem.
That’s all I have. Thank you.