Real Post: Why are people so mean (okay some people)? More precisely, why are people in relationships so mean to each other? To explain: On Valentines Day I went to pick up dinner for the entire family and enjoyed my wait (about 45-minutes) because I enjoy watching people. In order not to seem too creepy, I usually, if I am focusing in (or rather being rude myself by eavesdropping) by looking at my phone, but intently listening. (Again, I realize this is rude, but we are in a public place, so I rationalize it this way). I was happy overhearing lovely things...Love, love, joy and excitement. Yet there was this couple:
A group of people strolled into the business. They put their name on the long wait list, at that time I believe it was sitting at 59 minutes. There were four couples, a couple young people, and a baby. The business has a bar, as many do, and after about 5 minutes, they were all chatting amongst each other, save for one man. He looked a bit tired, and kind of sad. He decided to get up and walk over to the bar where he orders a soda pop, no big deal. He walks back over, sits down and starts drinking his sugar. Keep in mind the man isn't talking to anyway as they are gushing over the new baby one of them had brought in...no problems, perfectly normal.
Then it happens, I kid you not: His wife turns her head as though she is possessed by a demon, I am not exaggerating, picture a woman standing with her arms neatly folded (this is normal in Utah, a lot of us walk around with are arms reverently folded) She is smiling, laughing, and as if she sensed someone vomiting, she whips her head around, the smile instantly fades and a stern look falls over her face: I liken it to a parent who turns to see their child doing something very wicked. She marches (really she only takes five short steps) and begins chastising the man, scolding him as though he were in fact her child.
"What's wrong with you? Why are you so f-ing rude? Did you even think to ask anyone else if they want a drink?"
The man looks at her, tries to say, "I just didn't..."
She interrupts him, "Don't you be rude to me! You are the one being rude here, not me!"
I would have laughed, but really, this isn't the first, nor will it be the last time I see dysfunctional people treating their lovers like a small wicked child.
Now, to be fair, I supposed there are any number of reasons that she could be lashing out on him, but it made me think: Why do some couples start behaving in this way? Why is it that some of us learn to love and work with each other, while others seem hell bent on breaking down the will of another person?
I know this is a question that is not easily answered, psychiatrist have sought to figure it out, some going as far as drilling holes in the side of children's cheeks so they could measure if children could be trained like dogs. (Too disturbing to post on my website if you would like, I will list some links below, but BEWARE they are extremely hard to watch!)
Here is my point: love is an action, and it isn't just the BIG things that make it work or not work, it is the little things as well. Treating your lover like a child is a big red-flag. She could have easily laughed it off and said: Well Jim's got the right idea, does anyone want something from the bar, I'll go order. (I imagine his name is Jim) Now I know, we have all been in a relationship with a brutish person who is constantly belittling us and as a defense, we often tend to lash back. To this I say: We have got to stop. We are constantly criticizing the world for being bullies, but we are the world, we are society, and we must start with ourselves if we are ever going to have change.
So what do you think: Do you think we are mean to each other because we are nothing more than programmable machines? Do you think we are mean to each other because we have grown tired of a cruel world and decided it is easier to join them? Seriously? Why do you think people are mean?
As always, have a beautiful day. XOXOX
Links to the experiments: Here (6 minutes in) Here Here <<<<< Remember these will be a bit skewed so if you want to know more about each one, study them.